Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Music and Thoughts












I miss those lazy days at the beach where you feel so small and alive at the same time. 'Tis been too many years to count since this picture was taken, but that optimism of life still resonates with me.  I'm done with this rain up here in the Pacific Northwest and ready to say hello to sunshine again.

I won't lie, those dear friends of mine, most of which I barely speak to, I miss dearly.  They are still my dearest people.  We talk and it's as if time hasn't passed and there's are those that I wonder what happened with them and where they went.  I wish them well and I hope for the best.


Monday, March 6, 2017

Friday, February 24, 2017

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

work life balance

I'm not sure where to put this or how much of it is TMI.  My person and I, he's amazing.  He took a pay cut to move up to be with me and for us to put our family together.  In defining our family roles and in putting how bills and responsibilities are to play.  Well, we came up with the fact of balance.  I work, he works, however, I make more than him and I need help with various aspects of chores around the house.  We worked out things that I, on occasion, work more than him, and I make more than him and as a result he is to step up.

However, we both realized the patriarchal problem with his set-up.  It hit him in a way that as a woman, I got hit with fairly hard when I was raising E with my ex-husband.  He made more, so it was expected of me to do more at the home, to do more things around the house to even things out.  It isn't exactly fair, isn't it?  That we define the house-work rules based on what people make?  We both live together and we both work, so why aren't we both working hard in the home together?  Some times one will do more than the other, because sometimes work can be quite insane and working 60 plus hours a week can be a lot on anyone's mind.

As a result, he and I spoke and he was like, wow, I get it and I get that I need to do more to make-up and help out to covering of the expenses, but it doesn't quite seem fair that I have to do more ... though you do make more than me.  And it hit me, and I feel that it hit him too, we just have to do what is best for our family.  Regardless of what we each make, we both work and live in the same house.  We have different interests and so our household chores can go to what we prefer to do, but at the end of the day, irrespective of gender roles and all of this, we both live there together and we both need to be equal partners.

It just hit me how we were both playing into a social aspect that I despise.  We make the choices for what we both want our children to see.  Mom is the earner with the career, and so what.  He is my partner and he is my equal and should be respected and treated as such.  A part of me was also like, finally my partner actually understands the issues that I have been dealing with my entire life.  It felt a little relief to be able to finally share this. Yes, they can logically 'understand' however, until you experience a role reversal you don't fully understand it.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Music Moment








The musical talent on this is just phenomenal.  I can't stop listening to it for that reason alone.  Can't wait to get my kids their musical instruments, so many at home that they practice on, but to truly find their passion and play.  It's hard to explain, I feel that the musician playing the trumpet expresses his love of music in this accompaniment.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Changing Times

So many things have changed, this year alone.  It feels like… it feels like a rebirth.  My daughter is at the beginning stages of puberty, is growing  up, developing in a wide range of possibilities, figuring out who she is and who she will become.  I have found my partner, the person that will become my husband, whom gave me my other daughter.  Though only slightly younger than E, boy do they butt heads and yet boy do they love each other.  They come home soon and with the place nearly ready for them, all I can do is dream of holding them in my arms.  My children.

It’s been a whirlwind learning what it is like to live with a partner.  I haven’t done it since E’s father, with whom I didn’t get a very good amount of time together, for various reasons.  A partner that jumps up and helps, even when all I did was ask if he put the dinner in the oven.  It’s like no, I got it, I can do it, I’m just asking if you did, keep doing your thing.  He’s also not used to someone helping out and doing the dishes, cleaning up, really anything.  So we are working out and learning each other’s quirks.

I miss my friends living up here, I miss being close to family for E, I miss a lot of things and a lot of people.  The people that I do know here don’t call back.  I have a few colleagues that I’ve been making friends with, it’s just still, hard, to say, I miss people that ‘get’ me.  Yes my honey does, but still, it’s hard to explain.

So I guess it’s that I must say goodbye to people that I thought were friends that would always be there.  So it is time to let go, I suppose.  I’m happy with where my life is going, it’s just sad because it takes two for a friendship to work.  Maybe it’s too much to ask.

Monday, August 8, 2016