I have too many emotions and thoughts in my mind. I had a great conversation with a close confidant that has been helping me to determine my overall thoughts. The death of my Grandfather has hit me very hard. It's incredibly overpowering. The desire for kids is strong, but the overpowering desire is for a family. How powerful the idea is to let the idea of having another child go. How powerful the thought is to not have more children. I have so much to think about. I can truly say that I am on the fence wondering which way to fall.