Friday, October 17, 2014

life getting in the way of progress

I've been cleaning up boxes out of my garage. Already filled a truck load to the dump and dropped it off.

In going through my things I came over so many photographs of E. Along with those pictures were others. Ones of JH and I at his best friend wedding where he was the best man.  Our padres baseball tickets, the game he realized,  after speaking to his mom and realizing that when I was talking about us having kids that not just biologically ours,  but also being a step-parent to E.

That was a year ago. How times have changed. They are very happy memories.  It's just, its just.

E talked about going to Joshua tree again and go rock climbing. How fun he was. She just brought it up this part week. She doesn't talk about him that much anymore. She makes the comment about how sad it is that he left and had to move. I generally nod and don't say much else.

When these come up, I do think should I call, reach out, but then I stop. It'd been 2 months since he had called, let it go. I wonder did I have this all wrong, how could I have missed any signs, and it isn't there. He thought he could be the person I needed or rather wanted and just continued on.

Dates, plans for the future ... . How do you move on?

I'm finding it difficult to move on. My marriage was over pretty much before it began for many, many reasons.

I think we always wish we had more time with those we love. There's never enough time.

I would've stayed and worked through our relationship problems of he'd just talk to me. Being apart, I couldn't call him on his bill sh**, give him a look and he'd spill the beans.

I miss the little things. My confidant recommends going on those dating sites getting out, urging me on. I just need to bury this box of photographs and memories.

Slowly, but surely, I'm getting there. He'd rather run than admit he doesn't want kid s. I'm a package deal and okay.

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