Monday, August 17, 2015


I was talking with some of my friends recently.  We were all discussing dating, relationships... they had such hope in their eyes.  I don't mind talking about what I want in life, what I want in a partner, how I want to grow old with a partner, have a real relationship.  I guess, I just don't believe in it anymore.  I don't believe that people are willing to stick together.  It's all about me me me, not about what is best for the relationship.  Letting things go, making things work, bending, growing, working together.

You aren't always going to like everything that you do.  That's just a fact of life, but yet, we expect this in most relationships.  To always be happy.  JH said, that being near me brought up a lot of stuff, he pushed me away.  It would be wrong of me to say that it did not bring up things for me too.  Yet, we never discuss anything.

I'm very much in my own mind right now, spending time with E, now that she is home.  I'm not sure what to say.  I'm in a weird place, content with being and doing my own thing.  I got sick recently and am on antibiotics, which is tough on my system.  I hope things work out soon and we shall see if anything changes.


Karina said...

like you , i don't believe much in it... yet, somehow i think i have that, kind of. it's a complicated situation because he is way across the other side of the country, and he is much older than me so the 'grow old together' wouldn't apply to me. sometimes i think that it's okay to let go of him and there will be someone else but i don't believe that. men like that are difficult to find; selfless men, encouraging men, everything that one would want-- or at least perfectly what i want. so, i don't want to leave him, yet i can't really be with him... so, i guess i have to accept things the way they are and like he says 'i'll take what i can get'..

i hope things turn out for the best for you and e. it's always nice to read your blog...
excuse the writing, i accidentally dropped some water on my laptop and now the shift keys aren't working... so no capital letters, or exclamation marks or parenthesis..

L said...

Thank you Karina. It's a weird place to feel. I don't want to lose that connection. I'll love him until the day that I die, it's something that I cannot help. It's just. I want things that he cannot provide, or rather, is not willing to provide. Thanks for getting it. It's like, I've experienced it's depths, but, life.

I'm glad someone else understands. Many new things are developing and will be changing. So much more to share.