Thursday, August 27, 2015

Starting Over :)

I'm glad I've listened to my own gut.  My therapist, last year, told me that I should go out and start dating again since there was a very real reality with my ability to have children.  I'm grateful I did not throw myself back into the dating game.

I needed to just do me, throw myself into dealing with the loss.  I'm not perfect, I'm still dealing with that loss.  However, I met someone.  Someone that I didn't realize when I met him that I'd look at him differently.

It's been a slow progression and I'm amazed.  Someone that gets my dorky, sarcastic nature, whom I recently said I like you and I'd like to get to know you better.  In what way?  I dunno, anything really.  I fancy you and your company, what can I say?

I don't know if it's going to go anywhere.  I don't think I'll ever be over JH, that's something that you could never get over it just is.  This is the first time I've really liked someone new in a long time.  I really like this person's personality, disposition ... he's witty and smart.  I dunno if there will be any chemistry beyond a very fun and enthusiastic friendship.  It's just, I feel pursued and I'm responding in kind.  It came out of nowhere, from my vacation.  

So again, it's the beginning stages of hey, I like you, do you?  Don't you?  When will you be visiting again?  What's up with your life?  I'm socially awkward and I joke about a lot of things and to have someone do that right back.  You tend to stop and take notice.  The thing that I am listening to my therapist on is to pay attention to values, make sure they align with what I want.  How does this person interact with friends? Family? Overall family values?  Life goals?  All of those fun things.  So far, intrigued.

My best friend says I'm smitten.  So what?  I am.  In general, a great new friend.  I'm amazed that something stirred in me when I wasn't even looking nor really even trying, at all.  Just being me, him being him and it's like, take notice.  It really started from a conversation we had a few days ago, sarcastically discussing and talking about pillows randomly.  We spent a hilarious couple of hours talking about inanimate objects and I was like, oh L, you're into him.  Admit it, you are.  You're attracted to him and he has kept messaging you since you left a few weeks ago.  Take notice.  So I am.

This song came up on a playlist I was listening to and well might as well share a good song with this story.  Prost to starting over.  I finally feel ready to begin dating again.  I want a family, it would be great to share that with someone.  It's great to feel desired for my mind, my witty sarcasm (no-holds-bar), body, and random adventures.  I'm ready.


Karina said...

I truly wish you the best in finding that person. Maybe it's this new guy, maybe it's not. But you are willing to open yourself up to the possibility, that's great. =)

L said...

Thanks! Yeah, I have no idea if it is gonna go anywhere. Prolly won't, but at least I'm open to it starting. Thanks again for your support and understanding. It isn't easy, it's just, wow.