Wednesday, January 4, 2017

work life balance

I'm not sure where to put this or how much of it is TMI.  My person and I, he's amazing.  He took a pay cut to move up to be with me and for us to put our family together.  In defining our family roles and in putting how bills and responsibilities are to play.  Well, we came up with the fact of balance.  I work, he works, however, I make more than him and I need help with various aspects of chores around the house.  We worked out things that I, on occasion, work more than him, and I make more than him and as a result he is to step up.

However, we both realized the patriarchal problem with his set-up.  It hit him in a way that as a woman, I got hit with fairly hard when I was raising E with my ex-husband.  He made more, so it was expected of me to do more at the home, to do more things around the house to even things out.  It isn't exactly fair, isn't it?  That we define the house-work rules based on what people make?  We both live together and we both work, so why aren't we both working hard in the home together?  Some times one will do more than the other, because sometimes work can be quite insane and working 60 plus hours a week can be a lot on anyone's mind.

As a result, he and I spoke and he was like, wow, I get it and I get that I need to do more to make-up and help out to covering of the expenses, but it doesn't quite seem fair that I have to do more ... though you do make more than me.  And it hit me, and I feel that it hit him too, we just have to do what is best for our family.  Regardless of what we each make, we both work and live in the same house.  We have different interests and so our household chores can go to what we prefer to do, but at the end of the day, irrespective of gender roles and all of this, we both live there together and we both need to be equal partners.

It just hit me how we were both playing into a social aspect that I despise.  We make the choices for what we both want our children to see.  Mom is the earner with the career, and so what.  He is my partner and he is my equal and should be respected and treated as such.  A part of me was also like, finally my partner actually understands the issues that I have been dealing with my entire life.  It felt a little relief to be able to finally share this. Yes, they can logically 'understand' however, until you experience a role reversal you don't fully understand it.